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THE UGANDA PEOPLES CONGRESS

JOIN WITH US & ENJOY! THE 'LAUGHTER IS MEDICINE' U.P.C. REAL DAILY LIFE HUMOUR


WELCOME..LOVE..TRUTH..JUSTICE..FREEDOM..PEACE..DEMOCRACY..HUMAN RIGHTS..LIBERTY..


"Resist 'sad term' evil"
says Hon. Sabiti, M.P
(Pic. credit - Monitor)

Link: UPC vows


WWW.UPCUGANDA.ORG
THE UGANDA PEOPLE
PEOPLES CONGRESS


YOU TUBE THOUGHTS + MORE WISDOM
IN BINAISA HUMOUR & AMAZING PREZ. QUOTES

1. On amendments:
I believe if we introduced the Lord's prayer
here, senators would propose a large number
of amendments to it.
- Abraham Lincoln

Note: Your contribution is welcomed
and shall be highly acknowledged via
UPCuganda eForum on issue #28.

Sad - am
The Sad

Term
'Life President'

Picture Credit
www.monitor.co.ug

1a. On endurance:
Never give in, never give in, never,
never, never never, never - in nothing,
great or small, large or petty - never
give in except to convictions
of honour and good sense.
- Sir Winston Churchill

1a1. Who said this?
You people of Kabale are all vegetables
(then after a whisper from his AIDE)
......GROWERS.

1b. On putting freedom before oneself:
Who stands if freedom fall?
Who dies if England lives on?
- Ruyard Kipling,
on the war of 1914-18

1c. On fire:
'I have come to bring fire to earth,
and how I wish it were blazing already'
- Lk.12:49

1d. A Newfoundlander (Newfie) From A Two
Week Meditation Session At The Monastery:
Qu: So Newfie, what exactly were you doing
at the monastery for all those two weeks?
Ans: Bending down, getting up; bending down,
getting up; bending down and getting up again;
and so on.....

2. A student on the U.S.A geography:
Q: What is the largest state in the U.S.A?
Ans: The state of affairs.

2a. On defending another:
There is no need for you to defend a lion
when s/he is being attacked.
All you need to do is open up the gate
and let her or him out into full freedom!
- Charles Haddon Spurgeon

2b. Mistakes happen:
He: you see we can first enter into a companionate
relationship, then if we find we find that we have
made a mistake, we can separate.
She: Yes, but what shall we do with the mistake?

2c. On the mind/spiritual over/creating body/material econ. reality
(dedicated to the Karl Marx econ. theorists):
The maths Prof. precedes the bridges;
one's faith precedes one's actions
one's thinking precedes one's action
The artist precedes the oil paintings;
The writer's ideas precede the book.
Planning precede action.
The horse precedes the cart.
- Anon

2c. On selling one's own spirit:
What good will it be for one to gain the whole world
and forfiet one's own soul. Or what can one give in
in exchange for one's own soul? - Mat.16:26

3. On statistics for illumination:
He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lampposts -
for support rather than for illumination.
- Andrew Lang

3a. On action to accompany words:
..mere talk alone leads only to poverty
- Prov.14:23

3b. On the young intern at the labour ward rounds:
To first patient: when are you due? Ans: July 8
To second patient: when are you due? Ans: July 8
To third patient: when are you due? Ans: July 8
The 4th patient was asleep, so the intern asked
her neighbour: might you know when she is due?
Ans: I don't know. She was not at the picnic with us.

3c. Quote seen on a T-shirt:
"I like my attitude problem;
please don't try to change it!"
- Anon

3d. Christian defined:
A christian is like a candle; s/he must keep
very cool and also burn at the same time.
(i.e one who can stand the risks of appearing
like a split personality? or a hypocrite?)

- M. Rosell

3e. The all-mighty one can remove all mountains,
so do not turn tiny mole-hills into HIGH MOUNTAINS:

e.g.
Qu: What did the salmon fish say upon hitting a rock
Ans: DAM!

4. On patriotism:
I only regret that I have but one life to loose
for my country.
- Nathan Hale

4b. On denial of the truth:
The Nile (denial) is not just a river
that flows out from Uganda in Eastern Africa.
- Anon

4c. SHEPERDS OR WOLVES?

A society of sheep/minks may eventually be
ruled by wolves wearing sheep's/minks' skins.

- Anon

4d. On self rule:
One who has no control over one's own spirit is
like a city that is broken down, and without walls.
- Prov.25:28KJV

5. WOOO0000ooooooo...man! (woman):
God through wisdom as always, decided to first put
Adam off to sleep before removing the strongest of
all his ribs & using it to mould his companion Eve.
Upon waking up & seeing the figure before him, the
awe - struck Adam gaped & shouted wooooo....man!
God therefore decided to simply call Eve 'woman'.

5a. On bravery:
But the bravest are surely those who have the
clearest vision of what is before them, glory or
danger alike and yet (notwithstanding) go out and
meet it.
- Thucydides

5b. On "like" and "love":
If I like them, I let them and
if I love them, I help them.
(a young lady's definition)

6. On Peace:
Peace is not the absance of war but the presence
of GOD (God is love) - no matter what the conflict.
- Petrarch

6b. On the size of a person:
One's size can be measured by
the thing or person that makes one angry.
- John Morley

6b. on holy water -
Him: Do you know how to make water holy?
Her: Yes, you boil the hell out of it.
- Anon.

7. Happiness is not the presence of
pleasure but the absance of pain.
Who said this?
(e-mail ans. to: upcuganda@africamail.com for a gift)

7b. Quizz on more successful relations - The
gender I desire to have more relations with is:
A) Difficult to understand
B) Impossible to understand
C) Clearly from a different planet
D) How should I know? I've only seen pictures


8.On temper:
We must interprete bad temper as
a sign of inferiority complex.
- Alfred Alder
Men loose tempers in defending their tastes.
- Ralph Waldo Emmerson

8b. On Compliments:
Mae: Oh what a cute little baby!; red headed too.
Was his father red-headed?
Gae: "I don't know. He didn't take his hat off."

9. On sovereignty:
Asking one of the states to surrender part of her
sovereignty is like asking a lady to surrender
part of her chastity.
- George Washington

10. On ill-talk or self-put-down:
Never talk ill of your own self! your friends
will always say enough on that subject.
- Charles - Maurice De Talleyrand

10b. On 'why I hate men':
I hate men because they take me into alleys,
dance halls, tarvens and bedrooms - they press
me and feel me all over with their fingers.
After they get me hot, they hold me to their
lips and drag the life out of me. When they get
what they want, they throw me aside and I'm only
good for tramps.
Why should they take advantage of my white body
anyway? After all, I'm only a cigarette!

11b. 'I AM' who I say 'I AM' - on EQUAL wealth sharing for
EQUAL FREEDOM! / RIGHTS or else POVERTY & pity-partying:
I used to think I was poor. Then they told me
I was a no-income or low-income person, and that
I was not poor but needy. Then they told me it is
self-defeating to think of oneself as needy, that
I was culturally deprived. Then they told me
deprived was a bad image, that I am actually under
priviledge
d, or better still, less: priviledged / gifted
/ fortunate / blessed; or even much better - destitute!
Then they told me underpriviledged was over used,
and that I was disadvantaged. I still do not have
a dime to my name, but I sure have great vocublary.
- Jules Feiffer

11c. On change:
"Your feet are cold," he complained to his
new bride, "keep them to your side of the bed."
She began to sob. "You are cruel," she cried
"you never used to say that to me before we
were married!"

12. On silence:
Silence is not always golden -
sometimes it is guilt conscience.
- William Hazlitt

13. On silence:
Sometimes you have to be silent
inorder to be heard
- Stanislaw J Lec

14. On the interview:
Reporter: "To what do you attribute your
old age?"
98 year old lady: :"I've eaten moderately,"
"I work hard, I neither drink nor smoke
and I keep good hours."
Reporter: "Have you ever been bedridden?"
Old lady: "Yes sure I have, but please
don't put that in the paper!"

14b. On ants (being teachers by example):
None preaches better than the ants and yet
they say not one word.
- Benjamin Franklin

15. On sight
One who cannot see the ultimate
becomes a slave of the immediate.
- Col.1:13; Prov.13:7.

15a. Changed into ants:
She let go of herself and has now
changed all her sisters in ants.
- Anon

15b. On sharing news:
Sorrow is like a precious treasure,
shown only to very good friends.
- Victor Hugo

16. 'Public opinion' on 'being nice' & more
popular not 'being nasty' & so unpopular
('hated'): people for the most part like one,
not for who one is as a person, but for HOW or
for THE WAY in which one makes them FEEL!........

16. On the using of one's brain power:
Them: we are so hungry president,
- now what should we cook?
Him: COOK YOUR HEADS!
- Dr. Apollo Milton Obote

16a. WISDOM AT 40 YEARS OF AGE:
"A fool at 40 years old is a fool for life"
- The Hon. Obasanjo Olusegun, Nigerian President
during Uganda's 40th independence day celebrations.


16a1. Who said this?
"We shall leave
no stone unturned,
and no corner unstoned".


16b. You know 'the time' has come.
- Rom.13:11

16c. One's life is not made secure by what
one owns even when one has more than one needs.
- Lk.12:15

16d. On the definition of a politician:
Q. Define a politician.
Ans: One who promises to build a bridge
even where there is no ocean, lake or river.

16d. On the sword and the spirit:
There are only two forces in the world,
the sword and the spirit. In the long run
the sword will be conquered by the spirit.
- Napoleon Bonaparte

16e. On CHANGING the LIGHT bulb
if the light is too bright -
The apostle Paul when he was still Saul asked:
How many psychiatrists does it take to
CHANGE a bright light bulb for a dimmer one?
Ans: It all depends on whether the light bulb
is able and willing to be CHANGED.
- Anon

17. On life:
Life is 10% what you make
it and 90% how you take it
(+ve attitude is everything)
- Irving Berlin
17a.

Picture Credit
www.monitor.co.ug


17b. On the female soldiers at a military parade:
The major, shocked at seeing female soldiers
lined up bare-chested and their tits being
checked out - one by one by the master corporal,
shouted out: what are you doing! M.C???
'checking out their tits, Afande' he replied.
I told you to check out their kits!
Shouted back the baffled boss.

18. on willingness to understand!:
One of the biggest factors in SUCCESS is the
courage to understand something/one else.
(i.e "s/he must be crazy" would become of irrelevance)
- James A. Worsham

18a. On CHANGE (overheard at a party):
A couple who had long divorced each other met
at a party. After a couple of drinks, the drunken
man decided to propose for a resurrection, to give
to their marriage another try. His ex-wife snapped
back: "not even over my dead body", and to this he
replied: "I can see you haven't CHANGED at all!"

19. On Reading The Labels:
Do you know how to tell a little girl
sardine from a little boy sardine?
"No"
"U look and see which can they come out of."

19b. Orders on - quality over quantity /
- those who know that they can over those who can only doubt:
The ever young & healthy-looking Gideon had made a
habit of prunning his trees on an almost daily basis. When
ever cautioned on the $$$s risk in reducing the numbers
of his trees, the strange Gideon would say: 'I am only
obeying policy orders, issued from the crt. room above'

20. on 'AID':
Doing for people what they can do for themselves is
a very dangerous experiment...What is done under the
guise of charity or philanthropy that stifles initiative
& creativity is the greatest crime that can be committed.
- Samuel Gompers

21. On accentuating the negative:
"No," said the centipede, crossing her legs,
"a hundred times no!"

21a. To the disability impostor headed for
the front of the queue at the airport (oveheard):
Hey man, get off that wheel chair
and come line up like everybody else!
- Anon

21b. On Enduring and Persisting on:
Consider the postage stamp: it's usefulness
consists in the ability to stick to one thing
at a time - until it gets there!
(stick to THE TRUTH!, Jn.14:6)
- Josh Billings.

22. On slavery:
Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel
a strong impulse to see it tried on him or her
personally.
- Abraham Lincoln

22b. On putting oneself down or lying down
- low in physical body, in spirit & in mind:
People seldom want to walk on or all
over you until you lie down.
- Anon

22c. Seeking own self - interest only, breeds tyranny:
Look out for the interests of another persons too
phill.2:3-4

22c. On Temper / Attitude:
Misery is not measured from the nature of evil,
but from the attitude of the sufferer towards it.
- Joseph Addison

23. On getting acquainted:
Two men and a young lady on a bus ride to Kampala
city decided they had better get acquainted.
First man: "my name is Paul, but I am not
an apostle"
Second man: "I am Peter, but I am not a saint"
The young lady: "My name is Mary, but er..errr..
I don't know what the hell to say."

24. On patience
One's wisdom gives to one patience;
it is one's glory to overlook an offence.
- Prov.19:11

25. The secret of patience:
Do something else in the meantime /
Patience is a bitter plant with sweet fruits.
- St. Francis De Sales

25b. On taking responsbility:
'Give them something to eat yourselves'
Mat.14:16

17a. You are my servant
in whom I shall be glorified
- Is.49:3

26. On Phonetics - from a career single parent mom:
My little five year old son was doing his homework:
"four plus one, the son of a bitch is five," "Three
plus three, the son of a bitch is six," and so on...
Horrified, I asked him where on earth he had picked
up that language. "Oh, that is the way they teach us
at school," he replied.
The following day, I went to see his teacher and
asked about it. At first she was equally horrified,
then her face broke into a grin. "I get it," she
cried, "we teach the children to say, four plus one,
the sum of which is five. Three plus three, the
sum of which is six." and so on...

27. On attitude:
When someone provokes you, it is your
own opinion which is provoking you.
- Epictetus (i.e self-knowledge is important)

27a. MEAOOOOW.....to the young doctor:
The young doctor was taking his wife out one
evening, when a pretty girl smiled and talked
to him. The wife, scenting an earlier affair,
inquired: "who is that lady dear?"
"Oh just a girl I met professionally" he answered.
"No doubt" meowed the wife, "but whose profession?
yours or hers?"

28.On appeasement:
(dedicated especially to puppets / 'Nyampalas')
An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile with
the hope that it will eat him or her last.
- Sir Winston churchill

28a. You are my servant
in whom I shall be glorified
- Is.49:3

29. On the Bill of Rights:
It does not require a lawyer to interpret
the bill of rights. They are as clear as
the ten commandments.
- Herbert Hoover.

30. On the sob story -
a holywood humour we read some place:
There was a married couple and they were
accompanied to every place by the husband's
best friend. One day the wife died and at the
funeral, the grief stricken bachelor sobbed
hysterically, and almost inconsolably.
Finally the husband started to console him.
"Take it easy, John, take it easy," he said.
"I'll get remarried again."

31. On pride:
Pride costs more than hunger, thirst or cold/
NOTHING is troublesome that we do willingly/
When angry, count to ten before you speak,
and if very angry, a hundred.
- Thomas Jefferson.

32. On the stranger:
A stranger's eyes see clearest
- William Shakespeare

32b. My life goal? is to daily live out my name as
a gift of love, thereby of faith, & of hopefullness;
to go way down below & be 'the Lilly' in the valleys;
to fly up & be 'the silver lining' around the clouds;
to be the twinkling star that twinkles in the darkness.
-Anon

33. On Talk shows and constructive criticisms:
In the soviet union a writer who is critical,
as we know is taken to a lunatic asylum. In the
United states, s/he is taken to a talk show.
- Carlos Fuentes

34. On PEACE down the River Nile:
Princess Cleopatra and Mark Anthony were floating
down the River Nile on her flower bed-bedecked barge.
Cleopatra was sleepily lying on a couch as Anthony
stood before her orating. "Cleopatra," he said,
"love for you surges through me like a raging forest
fire that consumes the country side. Furthermore
O Goddess of the Nile___"
"Mark," Cleo interrupted impatiently, "I am not
prone to argue."

35. On balanced mind, soul and material
wealth sharing or caring:
People do not care how much one knows
until they know how much one cares.

35. On self worth:
Still as of old, one is priced by
one's own self - for thirty pieces
of silver, Judas sold himself, not Christ.
- Who said this?
(e-mail ans. to: upcuganda@gmail.com for a gift)


36. On unrequitted love (seen on a T-shirt):

Love unrequitted is like loving rain
that falls very far away in the forests.....
*WWW.UPCUGANDA.ORG*

"into each life, some rain must fall"
(censored by Tourist Bureau)



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WELCOME..LOVE..TRUTH..JUSTICE..FREEDOM..PEACE..DEMOCRACY..HUMAN RIGHTS..LIBERTY..